FAT! Its a word, just a small three letter word that causes so many problems. I am fat and I’m not afraid to say it. I used to be, I used to hate the word. It used to have such a negative connotation. It represented everything I was insecure about within myself. It represented the years of bullying, the years of hate and self loathing.
I have talked before about my size, my desire to lose weight (for my health) and how the words associated with size effect everyone differently. I wanted to discuss this more following reading some comments on a Plus Size Facebook page. One comment which I have heard and seen so many times before, a comment which has been made to me by family and by friends. The “you’re not fat, you’re beautiful” comment.
This makes me so angry. Why cant I be both? Why do I have to pick? Why does fat mean ugly?
Now I know that the comment is not normally made maliciously, it is made without the thought of how this comes across to those hearing it. It is meant as a compliment. It is meant to make someone feel better about the way they look. Unfortunately it has the opposite effect, it implies that I need to change. I need to modify the words I use and I can not use a simple descriptive, factual word without someone thinking I am being derogatory about myself. Implying that in some way I am putting myself down, that I am not positive about the way I look.
It has taken a long time for me to understand that this word is not negative. It is a factual and descriptive word. I am average height, I have mousy blonde hair, I have blue eyes and I am fat. I am not ashamed of this word. I do not feel it puts me down or takes away from the wonderful, creative, passionate person I have become. It does not define me. It does not make me less of a women. It does not control me.
So if you are reading this and you have felt frustrated by this statement, please know you are not alone. I have wanted to scream and shout and tell those saying it that they are wrong and I am both, “I am FAT and I am BEAUTIFUL” but I have always stopped myself. Well no more, from now on I will be voicing my feelings because I want the world to know that I am both and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.