Plus Size Sex!

Let’s talk about sex? Yes, Sex? The subject that is so often taboo especially for Big Girls.  We are so often told to cover up, not to show to much skin, not show our sexuality and definitely not to talk about sex!  Well I want to change that, I want to talk openly about the subject and find out what you lovely ladies feel and think.

As a woman who has always been plus size I have at times felt very uncomfortable in my own skin and was never happy to be naked and be seen.  I covered up, I did not express my sexuality and did not feel comfortable talking about it.  I was shy, I felt unattractive and I was baffled at the thought that anyone would find me attractive or want to be intimate with me.  I felt I was not worthy of an intimate and fulfilling sexual relationship and was made to feel grateful for any attention I received.

I spent some time on my own and began to work through the feelings I had.  I spent time looking after me.  I started to take care of my skin, to buy clothes I liked rather than ones that just covered me up and I spoke to a counsellor.  I talked through the feelings I had around my image and what I could do to reverse those feelings and regain my confidence.  It took time, it took a lot of tears, it took a lot of heart ache and soul searching but I got there and I am happier than I have ever been.

I met Mark and he looks at me like no one ever has before, he looks at me and sees me, the real me and I see in his eyes the love and desire he has for me.  And I think to myself how lucky I am.  I am lucky that I was able to find the real confident me so I was able to let Mark see the person I really am and not be afraid to open up to him and experience the love I do, every day.  Every woman deserves to be loved and desired for the person they are, not to be told to cover up or hide and not to be told to change to find that love.  Mark has never tried to change me, he loves me and I love him because we are the people we are and together we are even better.

So I started this blog saying I wanted to talk about sex.  So let’s do that.  I like sex! It’s not a bad thing to say, it shouldn’t be shied away from.  Sex does not have to be topic that just because we are Big Girls we should not admit to enjoying.  There are so many myths about dating and sleeping with Plus Sized women, that we are somehow more grateful for a man’s attention, that we have low self-esteem or that we are easy because we grab the attention no matter where it comes from.  This sort of thing really annoys me.  We are women and yes sometimes we have low self-esteem but that is no different to any other women of any shape or size.  Any man who is worth our attention will see the real you and he will see the sexy, beautiful women that stands in front of him and he will think of nothing more than wanting to rip off your clothes and get his hands on the body beneath.  He will be thinking how lucky he is to get to kiss you and to get to hold of you and he will do all he can to please you. 

Some people think being with a Plus Size women is a fetish.  I disagree, it is no different to preferring blondes.  We are all drawn to certain types of people, it’s not a fetish its attraction and it’s not a bad thing to admit.  I like tall men and I have always liked red hair.  Well I landed on my feet and I got both and I know if you ask Mark he will tell you it was my eyes he fell in love with first however he is quite fond of my bum too!

I read so many articles about Plus Size women not being able to get into certain positions and not being able to enjoy certain types of sex.  This quite honestly is crap and it really annoys me.  Sex should not be limited, if you can and want to then go for it, no matter what position.  Sex is individual and unique to you and if you can’t or don’t want to do something for whatever reason then don’t, however if you want to try something and have a partner you trust then I say go for it.  Don’t let what other people think hold you back.  You are the one in control of what you want.  I have learnt to voice how I feel and what I want and I can honestly tell you things have never been better!

 

Be you, be individual and be wonderful!

Kerry xx

Negative comments and there impact

I have written before about my desire to lose weight for health reasons however I also don’t want to lose my curves and I don’t want to be slim. Now this is not me hating those who are slim it is just my personal preference, I like the way my curves feel and I would not feel like me without them.  I love women, I love how we are all different and all unique.  I love that we are so strong, we are capable of more than we are given credit for and we are beautiful, every one of us.  The world can be such a negative place and it is so refreshing to see so many women standing up for one another and providing confidence and support in a world full of negativity.

That said I have read a lot of disturbing comments recently on certain Facebook groups which are supposed to either support the body positive movement or are there to support plus size women. One particular comment really upset and angered me.  I won’t put the full details and I won’t name the group or person but the comment went along the lines of implying that Slimmer women do not have the right to complain about the negative comments they receive as its much worse when you are plus size so they should just get over it and stop complaining.  There are many things wrong with this statement and although I chose not to comment on the original post I would like to discuss it here.  I did not want to get involved with a petty argument on Facebook but I would really like to open a discussion and know your views.

The first thing that enraged me was that surely any abuse / negative comment / body shaming is bad, it does not matter if that comment is to a Plus sized women, a short women, a skinny women or a blonde women. It shouldn’t happen and it should be taken seriously.  Just one comment can have a massively negative impact that can have far reaching consequences.  One comment can settle in the back of your head and can fester and develop into feelings of self-loathing and self-doubt.  Just one comment can destroy a life, it can set in motion a series of events that can lead to depression, anxiety and more.  I know I have been there!

Secondly as a women who has been on the receiving end of these comments (which the original poster head) I cannot understand how you can view your experience as any worse than anyone else’s. How do you justify in your head that because you are Plus Sized then these comments must be far more hurtful or negative.  We should be on the side of the women who is receiving these comments whatever they are and whatever they refer to.  The thought that someone would rather criticise and demean women further because they feel their experiences are worse is just heart breaking.

I have had my say and I feel better for being able to voice my opinion and would really love to hear what your views are on this topic. I think it’s so important for women to be able to discuss these issues and to share experiences.

I also want to be honest here, I have looked at women before and thought to myself that I don’t like an outfit or not keen on that hairstyle but these are my opinions, they do not need to be voiced and they do not need to be shared. It is more to do with what I like and would feel comfortable in than to do with the other women.  We all take ideas from others and in the same way we reject ideas from seeing them on someone else.  I think this is natural, we are all human and we all have opinions, it is not shaming the other person, we are allowed that opinion however if that opinion could cause offence or hurt I believe it is more beneficial to keep it to yourself.  Why hurt some when there is just no need to do so?

We are all in this together and maybe we should just be kind and respect other people. The body positive movement and all that comes with it is so important.  We live in such a diverse and unique society that we need to embrace that and see all differences as positive and not encourage the negative.

I really would love to hear your opinions and let me know how you handle criticism and any negative comments you may have received.

Kerry xx

Halloween!

So with our sale now ended we are looking forward to the next big thing and for us here at Big Girls Don’t Cry that is Halloween. The nights are drawing in and the skies are getting darker, the air is getting colder and we want to heat things up!

Just because its cooler outside does not mean we have to be covered up from head to toe. We are adding some stunning new lines including a range by G-World. The lingerie is classic and sexy and includes some beautiful nightdresses and robes. We are so happy to be building the ranges all the time and to have such lovely products to showcase for our beautiful customers.

Our next big range is our Halloween costumes. We have sourced some fun and flirty costumes for any Big Girl who is either heading out to a party or wants to tease in the bedroom. We have everything from scary yummy mummies to cheeky clown!

  

As a Big Girl myself I have always struggled to find a costume I would feel comfortable and sexy in. I love to dress up and play a character and show off my curves and I really do think we have pulled together the pieces that allow us Big Girls to do just that. I used to be very shy, I was not confident and I did not appreciate the body I had. Now I do, I see its beauty every day, I see the way Mark looks at me and I see the way my clothes fit and hug every curve. So this Halloween I will be dressing up to match the way I feel, I will be heading to a Halloween party dressed to impress. The only problem is what do I go as, Nurse, Clown, Mummy, policewomen……………Maybe I need more than one invite!

Or maybe I need to surprise Mark with a little adventure with my alter ego!!

I think I will be a Pirate!!

‘Big Girls’ a man’s perspective

Firstly, let me introduce me, I’m the other half of the Big Girls Don’t Cry duo, Kerry and I have been together for 7 years she was a Big Girl when I met and she is now it doesn’t define our relationship and it doesn’t label us as a couple.

Size is a number consumerism has created to label and define, now I can’t change the system or can I… I can I hope change the perception and attitude towards it…at Big Girls Don’t Cry we would love to dispense with numbering and labelling but if we were to do that then who would know which item to pick and would it fit, we have been indoctrinated into labelling our body sizes to the point that now it is second nature to walk in to a store and refer to ourselves as ‘I’m a 24’….You’re not your you….you wear a size 24 but it’s not who you are.

In every aspect of our lives we are taught to be individual, promote and sell ourselves except when it comes to body image…. specifically, women’s body image, magazines and fashions, adverts and media…. Body image is portrayed in the next fad diet, weight loss programme, exercise DVD or catwalk unrealistic view of how a women should look…. From a man’s perspective how a woman should look is confident and happy, that can’t be defined by body shape or size alone.

Big Girls Don’t Cry is a website dedicated to bringing sensual, elegant and sexy lingerie to the labelled ‘Plus Size’ but we want to be more than that, we want to be at the driving end of changing the way we label, perceive and define ourselves through body image. We want our guests to be themselves to choose clothing for them not for stereotype society dictates.

Society dictates how we should be seen and how much can be seen, the size and shape of our bodies appears the defining aspect when these rules are imposed but why should society imposed rules upon our own bodies…be proud of who you are, show what you want and be seen for who you want to be.

Big Girls Don’t Cry are striving to locate practical lingerie that has that edge, the side that will make our ‘Big Girls’ feel amazing, extenuate their natural beauty but blow the socks off the partner lucky enough to see them…we have hit many issue regarding our imagery and it being seen as overtly sexualised….we are happy to see that they are being viewed in a sexualised manner……we want our guests to been able to feel sexy and been seen as such, our models are stunning and real women just like you.

As a man entering into the world of woman’s lingerie it has opened my eyes to the way women’s body image is viewed and the biggest surprise is that these negative views are rarely perpetuated by men but by women, the way you view yourselves or are viewed by other women appear to dictate how you feel, as a man, the beauty a women exudes is within her, the ability to walk in to a room and with attitude alone display an air of beauty that has nothing to do with what size they are or how they look, is the ultimate attraction.  I am not unaware that the clothing a woman what she wears can be the difference between having that attitude and not which is why at Big Girls Don’t Cry we want to aid in giving our ‘Big Girls’ the tools to walk in that room with the right attitude.

A final flurry, a word from me, continue being the beautiful ‘Big Girls’ you are, continue to walk in to that room and blow the socks of all that see you, share the ‘Big Girl’ message so others can feel like you and remember www.biggirlsdontcry.co.uk has everything you need to be you!!!

Mark X

 

New Ranges

 

Another busy week for us at Big Girls Don’t Cry, so many new products being added and a wonderful new range of intimate massage oils and bathroom essentials as well as some gorgeous bridal lingerie.

The Karma Sutra range is a sumptuous, luxurious range aimed at those intimate moments in the bedroom or bathroom. Designed to complement your everyday routine and provide a little extra spice in the bedroom. So with the weather changing and thoughts turning to cold nights and warm jumpers. Why not take a look at the range and see how easy it is to warm things up. The range includes this naughty but very nice body paint and luxurious shave cream.

Kama Sutra Chocolate Raspberry Lover’s Body Paint

Kama Sutra Intimate Caress Pomegranate Shave Cream

Our bridal section has expanded and as well as some glorious white corsets and lingerie aimed at the traditional bride we also have some beautiful non-traditional colours and styles that are guaranteed to leave the bride feeling a million dollars and the groom speechless!

We are expanding this section of the website daily and always looking for new and exciting products to add. Head over to http://www.biggirlsdontcry.co.uk to have a look at the range so far.

Every women deserves to be the centre of attention and feel like the belle of the ball on her wedding day and we hope that these products will assist in making your special day a perfect one that you will remember forever.

Why not pack a few of the Karma Sutra products to enjoy on your wedding night and make the most of those fabulous curves.

The feedback and comments we have been receiving from Facebook have been so positive and we ae so happy that so many women appreciate what we are doing and have responded so enthusiastically to the website.

Thank you again for the support.

Kerry xx

 

Health and Wellbeing

The last few weeks have been so hectic with starting Big Girls Don’t Cry and all the work that this has involved. It has been a whirlwind of trade shows, meeting suppliers and setting up the website and using social media to promote the Big Girl message. We have had this passion for such a long time and it has felt so good to be actually doing it. It has been such a relief to be doing something just for us and to be working towards something we feel so strongly about.

The business has been a welcome distraction to my own ill health. I was diagnosed three months ago with a Prolactinoma, this a small benign tumour in the pituitary gland in my brain. It has meant my body has been all over the place and my hormones have decided to play tricks on me. Now this is being treated with medication and I am well on the mend but I have had lots of discussions with my GP and specialist and these all tend to come back to my weight. My weight has not played a part in the condition however my blood pressure is now elevated and I have low cortisol levels (this is basically the chemical that keeps you awake during the day) so I am tired and my body is working hard to just do the day to day things it needs to. So I have made the decision for my health that I need to get fit and lose some weight. So I have started a little exercise routine, nothing too strenuous at the moment, some weights and a few sit ups and planking and I will be increasing my walking. I have also joined slimming world. I want to feel healthy again and I want to make sure I am around for as long as possible for my kids.

I have set my goal at not a weight but a dress size. For me the number on the scales is not that important, it’s about how I feel and I have yo-yoed with my weight before and I know when I can comfortably get into a size 14 jeans I am body happy and feel healthy. I have never been a smaller size than a 12 and I have never wanted to be. Not that I have anything against any one that is however it’s just not me. I like my curves, I like the way my clothes fit while I am that dress size. I want to be fit and healthy and know my body has a fighting chance to get through any further ups and downs.

So I am in full on health mode, its making my head clearer and my body stronger. I have a long way to go but I know I can do it!!

I have also made huge leaps in my own body positivity. I wore a sleeveless dress to work today with no cardigan. I did it and I feel so proud.

Kerry xx

 

What gives you confidence?

I have been thinking a lot over the last few days regarding the hot weather and how you all cope with the heat? I struggle, I get hot quickly and I have always been one to cover my arms and hide behind clothes. I would cover up and not show any skin. My perspective on this has been changing since I have found more confidence in myself and I can honestly say since staring www.biggirlsdontcry.co.uk my outlook has changed again. I have been reading more and looking at more Facebook and Instagram accounts and seeing so many beautiful, confident and sexy plus size girls that wear what they want when they want and don’t worry about what other’s think. It has given me such a boost, a lift of confidence which to be honest I wasn’t sure I would ever find. I am confident with myself and with my partner and even with close family but I have always struggled when going out in to the big wide world, what would people think? Will they point and stare? Will they laugh? I could not remove these thoughts from my head and it would leave me reaching for my cardigan!

Well no more, I will not be held to ransom, it’s too hot and I want to feel comfortable. So I did it, I went out, I went shopping in a vest top, arms free and do you know what, no one cared, no one looked, no one pointed, no one laughed. I felt a little self-conscious to start off with and I felt like I had to look around and keep an eye on everyone around me. But after a while that feeling disappeared, it melted away instead of me melting! Life just carried on, we did what we needed to and we had a bite to eat, we had fun and I felt comfortable and free. Free to be me, which Mark is always telling me I should do more!

So I am wondering what I can do next, shorts maybe or a short skirt with no tights! The sky’s the limit and I feel free, I feel ready to take on the world and revamp my wardrobe. To wear some pretty dresses and to enjoy wearing things I have never dared to before. My next challenge is to go to work in a shorter sleeved top or even something that shows my arms. I don’t really have anything that is office suitable so I feel a shopping spree coming on.

It has made me think about other things I do because I have been scared or lacking confidence. I have stopped myself from approaching people and from starting conversations, I have told myself I would not be someone they would want to talk to and I have hidden behind those I am with and love. I have not spoken out at work when I have an idea and I have not stepped forward and I have missed opportunities. So this is my challenge to take this new found confidence and to develop it in to all other aspects of my life. I am going to be braver and I am going to step out of my comfort zone. I will report back on how this is going from time to time and I would love to hear your experiences. What have you done to step outside your comfort zone? What gives you confidence?

Please keep reading the blogs and find me one Facebook and Instagram, I want to build our little Big Girls community and I would love to hear about your experiences and your opinions.

Kerry xx

Plus Size imagery and new stock

Over the last few days we have had a complete website redesign and have been adding lots of new products to the site.  We are very proud of the new site and we would really love some feedback on the new layout and in particular the mobile site.  It took so long to get the mobile site working as we wanted it and we feel that we may finally be there.

We have added a new line to the website with more products being added daily.  Silhouette is a range of classic, elegant and slightly retro lingerie featuring bras, briefs and Basques.  In sizes up to 42 back and JJ cup.  The brand is well established and beautifully made.  There are some stunning everyday bras with matching briefs and ranges of elegant and sexy Basques and Bustier.  The ranges start in a back size 30 and although this is not a plus size measurement we have taken the decision to offer in these sizes due to the large cup size.  It can be such a struggle to find a well-fitting, beautiful bra and we want everyone to be able to get their hands on these wonderful ranges.  Please take a look as more products are being added all the time.

Adding the new stock has highlighted an issue for me that I have been aware of as a consumer but I am now considering as a retailer.  A lot of the ranges we stock are specifically designed for sizes 14 plus so the models and the product photos reflect this however there are ranges that the size range starts from a size 8 and in these instances the stock photos are normally of a model who is in the this smaller size.  We started this website with the focus on plus size and being able to shop on a site that showcases the plus size women and how beautiful and sexy she is.  In the interest of body positivity and everyone deserving to be showcased for who they are I want to make it clear I am not against slimmer women or do not want to push any negativity onto anyone who is not a size 14 plus but I do want those that use www.biggirlsdontcry.co.uk to be able to see themselves in the products we offer. 

Is this something that effects your shopping experience?  Seeing items marked as plus size being modelled by someone who clearly is not. Is this something that would stop you looking further on a website or even purchasing?  We really want the site to be a comfortable and happy shopping experience which allows us plus size girls to find the type of lingerie and bedroom attire that is missing on the high street, I would hate it if the product imagery caused this not to be the case.  So again I am asking for your opinion and feedback on this.

I want this website to be a community of likeminded women to not only purchase beautiful lingerie but to use our social media platforms to discuss issues relating to body confidence, online shopping, life, love and whatever else springs to mind!  I would like the website and associated social media to be a platform for sharing ideas and just having fun.  Everyday life can be such a drudge of work and family and stress, I would love to have this little bubble of fun, naughty and colourful life that all that use it can be proud of.  So we have created a forum for all us wonderful, sexy and brilliant Big Girls can have a place to chat, laugh, moan or ask for advice.  A place that it is ours to express who we are.  Please take a look at the forum at – www.biggirlsdontcry.boards.net

Moda Trade Show

Yesterday we headed to Moda Trade Exhibition at the NEC in Birmingham. We weren’t sure what to expect or even if the trip would be worthwhile. When we arrived at the NEC we settled ourselves for a bite of breakfast and talked through what we were hoping to find, we have had some feedback from customer’s that more selection of good plus size bras are needed so this was our main focus. After our bite to eat we headed into the first show hall.

The women’s wear was intoxicating, the colours and dress styles were mesmerising and we had to put our heads down and not look to much as we could have been there for hours and we needed to focus on what we were there for. The exhibition space for the lingerie was vast and we knew instantly we were going to have a good day. We wandered through the exhibitors stands looking at the beautiful lingerie and nightwear but focused on finding the plus size goodies we were looking for. The first stand we found of interest to us was from one of our current suppliers Alterego! We chatted to Amie our contact and it was lovely to put a face to the name and to have a look at the beautiful lingerie from Shirley of Hollywood and Ballerina. The Shirley of Hollywood lingerie is beautifully made and we have got some great ideas about new stock. And as I type Mark is adding more products to the site after seeing more of the beautiful stockings from Ballerina.

Full of enthusiasm we said goodbye to Amie and started our exploration again. We were lucky enough to find the stand for Silhouette Lingerie. The brand is elegant and has a vintage retro feel. The lingerie comes in just four colours, Black, White, Pearl and Caramel. The bras are beautifully made and come in sizes up to a 42 back and a G cup. We got a really positive vibe from the stand and the personal touch that is provided and we hope we can pass that on to our customers. Mandy the exhibitor was really enthusiastic and really understood what we were trying to achieve.

Mandy then introduced us to the wonderful creator and designer of Bloomin’ Sexy, a brand new company who are producing sexy, high quality anti chafe shorts with matching bras and robes. The quality and the workmanship in the clothing was exceptional and we were blown away by the passion and the genuine enthusiasm of the small team behind the brand. The anti-chafe shorts were exquisite and bought a real feminine beauty to a problem us Big Girls often face. We are definitely going to be keeping in touch with Bloomin’ Sexy and hope to have the products on the site very soon.

We had seen so much in such a short space of time we decided to grab a coffee and talk over all we had seen. We knew we had found what we had come for and we were able to enjoy the rest of the day knowing we had achieved so much. We wandered around the rest of the lingerie hall, looking at the colours and styles that are coming in the new season. We chatted to a few of the other exhibitors and we handed out plenty of business cards. We then headed back to the womenswear and accessories hall to have a look around and take in all the up and coming styles.

We went to our first fashion show as retailers and were mesmerized by the models and the stunning lingerie, the styles from sexy, fun, flirty and elegant and how they popped on the catwalk. We both said we would love to have seen some plus size models but we are aware this is not always going to be the case when it comes to events like this.

It really has cemented in our minds the need for a website dedicated to women size 14 plus. Somewhere to find the sexy side of life. Not frumpy, not items to cover us up or squash us down but items that flaunt all we have and provide us with comfort without compromising on beauty and fun.

We are so excited about all we found and we hope to show you more soon.

Kerry xxx

It’s Been a Week!

Well it’s been a week since we launched Big Girls Don’t Cry and it has been a week of hard work and excitement.  Mark and I have worked constantly on the website adding new stock and improving the page.  We have spent hours on social media and we have poured all we have in to this new venture.  We have learnt things about Facebook we didn’t know existed and we have spent time on platforms such as twitter that we have never used before and setting up this blog would not have been possible without my partner in all this, Mark, he is the man behind all the technical stuff, as well as being an immense support.

The week has only gone to compound in our minds the reasons for starting this venture.  I have spoken to so many inspirational women and men and their stories have inspired and captivated me.  The strength of character and the true beauty in people has given me such an immense boost and has pushed myself and Mark to keep going and to reach for what we really want.  I want this concept that we have so much passion for to be seen by as many people as possible and if I can inspire just one person, in the way I have been inspired by others, this will make it all worthwhile.

Now obviously we are running a business and the ultimate goal is to keep on selling and allow this wonderful website to develop and grow.  We are looking for new suppliers to expand our range and we are looking forward to attending Moda-UK Fashion Exhibition on Tuesday to look at some new ranges and get even more ideas.  We have so many ideas about pop up shops, events and the ultimate goal of having a high street shop dedicated to plus size women and showing the world we are beautiful and have a wild side to.

That is the thing I want to focus on this week.  The wild side we all have.  That little bit of us that craves something exciting and a little naughty.  Life is full of so many things that bring us down and stop us from being “the real us” that dulls that part of us or forces us to suppress it.  Well I don’t want to anymore.  I have a naughty side, a side that likes beautiful lingerie and feeling sexy, not for anyone else but for me.  The concept and the products we stock show, I hope, that women of every size can find and wear stunning, elegant and sexy lingerie and embrace their wild side!

So come and take a look at the wonderful selection we have to offer and let me know what you think.  I want to hear your opinions and your suggestions and I would like to hear your stories and hopefully find new friends along the way.

Kerry XXX